There are so many pieces of me and as I get older I’m learning to honor every single part of who I am because that is what really makes me whole. I used to fight it, ignore it, or try to be just that ONE single part of myself - the best part of myself, but that just made me angry, bitter, tired, and not all that much fun to hang out with. I wanted to be the best mommy, wife, cookbook author, and strength coach on the planet but those are just a few pieces of my own personal puzzle and by only focusing on those things that I perceive are the parts that make me good, whole, or right, I took away so many other parts of who I am – parts that allow my better parts to shine. I have to be ALL of me, all the time. Not just the shiny parts of me that I think or thought rather, that everyone should always see. After 37 years on this planet and probably more life experience than I asked for when I came out of my mom’s womb, today I need to be in touch with everything that makes me – ME – and by doing that, I have become a much happier person. I want to share with you now more pieces of me – more of who I am – in hopes that you will drag out the dusty, dirty, maybe not so shiny pieces of who YOU are and not necessarily act on all of those pieces but HONOR them, and be good to them, and remember them. It really makes life way more fun. So here goes, here’s some pieces of me that for years I neglected until lately I have said hello again in a healthy way and I’m feeling whole again.
Sometimes when I’m alone (rarely) in my car and a song comes on that makes me feel 20 again I sing like crazy at the top of my lungs and that’s a piece of me, a piece of me that wants to run wild still, get more tattoos, stay out late, drink too much, and dance all night, even though my dancing is really really awful… Having three kids somehow made me start to ignore that 20 year old urge – and yet I remember clearly being in my car with a load of girlfriends and singing (yelling) my favorite Korn song from the window, the whole car shaking while we raged and drove. It was such an awesome feeling. So free. So crazy. So fun. Somewhere along the way I stopped singing at the top of my lungs in the car as often and found myself listening to AM radio, or Dr. Laura. (What’s WRONG with me???) So now, when I get that urge, I FREAKING SING!!! When the kids are in the car with me WE sing – like mad people, like crazy people, and we laugh and I don’t need to go out and get more tattoos or drink too much because just honoring this one piece of me and letting go for a few stupid minutes feels so darn good.
I love to wear high heels and tight outfits and fix my hair and put on makeup. I love it. My reality? I own a gym. I wear gym clothes every. single. day. I put my hair in a ponytail. I wear minimalist shoes. Every. Single. Day. My makeup routine takes me sub five minutes. When I go out with my husband in our little town where no one really ever dresses up all that much unless you’re in college and you go to the bars and you wear little tiny dresses that would never really work on my body that lifts weights, I dress up. I wear heals. I wear makeup. I wear tight clothes. I fix my gosh darn hair and I pretend for that one night that it’s just he and I and that I’m still just as groovy (yes I’m old) as the hot college girls in my town and it feels so darn good! So when I wake up the next morning and put on my gym clothes and my 5 minute makeup and my minimalist shoes theres still a vixen inside somewhere that my husband also can see because I let her out now and then and I don’t keep her wrapped up in a sports bra and t-shirt ALL of the time. It’s good for both of us and makes us forget that we’ve been married a really really really long time. (13 years this September!)
I like to not be perfect, or even close to perfect, it feels good to own up to my mistakes and I make a LOT of mistakes. Now, instead of ignoring my mistakes, or blaming other people (like my husband), or getting irritable at the kids like somehow my bad mood is THEIR fault. I decide to embrace my mistakes and look for the lesson in each one. I say “I love you” and “I’m sorry” a lot more now than “whatever” or “oh forget it” or even worse, saying nothing at all and walking around like my heads going to pop off. Now I instead focus on the fact that my mistakes make me better when I admit that I’m wrong and that makes me way less unpopular in my house and way more fun.
I have so many more pieces of who I am – and I’m working on saying hello again to all those pieces and goodbye to trying to be the perfect at everything that I thought I was supposed to be perfect at. That’s no fun. I’m not ever going to be perfect at everything and the harder I tried to be the worse I became at being a really bad-ass wife, mother, sister and friend (which is all more important than anything else in my life). So this is my call to you to join me in exploring all of YOU. Who are YOU. How do YOU work. What pieces of YOU have you ignored, neglected, and shoved elsewhere in the attempt to be GREAT at life? Go find those pieces and put yourself back together again. Join me in embracing the entirety of your awesomeness, warts and all, and say “I love you” more and “I’m sorry” when you need to and most of all, find joy again in the imperfections and drag out your high heels and silly songs – you’ll thank me for it.