Monumental Moments

Today my Coby turns 17 years old.  Happy Birthday my sweet boy. I’m sharing this monumental moment with you because I’ve shared my life with all of you over the years and today truly marks the day that tossed me head on into the rest of my life. Monumental moments like today make me so aware of how there is such a strong connection, an ebb and flow, a strange underlying current that leads us all to where we are today; and if we are open – we can look back upon our lives and see the answers that we so often search for – but only if we are open.

Coby is one short year away from being an official adult and well, I’ve happened to be a large part of the process of getting him there; being his mother and all, and together we have been through some wild, amazing, scary, beautiful, sad, and life altering moments. The first moment being the one in which I realized that I was going to be his mother.

The realization that my son turns 17 today has sent ripples through my soul. I was only 17 when Coby made his future presence known and barely 18 when he was born. Today, I look up at this amazing man and realize how much we both have grown.  We really did grow up together.

Coby saved my life. Literally. The path I was headed down prior to being his mom was one much darker than the path I’m on today.

I can close my eyes and go immediately back to the moment I held Coby for the first time, looking down into those chocolate eyes, studying his whispy hair, and his little bottom lip sucked in, and his long long toes.  I was suddenly a mommy, who still needed her mommy, who decided to be the best mommy she could be; no matter what.

The same day Coby was born, my mom wrapped us both in her arms and told me in the voice that she reserved only for me.  “Sarah, you will raise this baby. You will nurse him.  You will take care of him. You will love him. This is your job and yours alone and no one is going to do it for you.”  She was so right.  I did all of those things. I nursed him, I tucked him into bed with me, I strapped him on my back and figured out how to clean my own kitchen and do my own laundry.  I figured out how to live, despite all of the challenging circumstances that come with being an 18 year old mother, I loved my little baby with all my might.

Over the years I have made 10 million mistakes but my mom’s words still resonate with me: “You will love him.  This is your job and your job alone.”  Fortunately the alone part ended when I met John.  Coby and I were a little team and I always doubted that anyone could love us as much as we needed to be loved but I was wrong.  Looking back over the events in my life that led me to meet my husband, I know that without Coby, I would have never met John, and without my husband, I would not have my Jaden or Rowan, and without my little boys, I wouldn’t even be sitting her typing these words right at this moment.

Everything in life is a gift if we let it be one.  Even with great loss we often make great change.  Even with confusion and fear we can look for clarity, peace, and solace because there is always a meaning if we search for one.  I am not a very religious person but I do believe that we are all connected, that there is meaning, that it takes a bit of effort, a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone, an internal drive to make things just a little bit better if we can, and an innate ability to make your own situation the best one that you can and that sometimes all it takes is someone to tell you, “This job is yours and yours alone.  You will take care of whatever life’s challenges might be.  You will nurture what’s important to you.  You can love.”

Thank you Coby for being such a bright and shining light in my life.  Thank you for being wiser than me and for always calling me out when I need to get my head on straight.  Thank you for being brave and strong; no matter what.  Thank you for always trusting me when I was trying to figure out what the heck to do with this life.  Thank you for holding my hand and hugging me tight; even at 17.  Thank you for teaching me more about myself than anyone else ever could.  Thank you for saving me.  I love you.

 

Comments

  1. Nancy says

    What an amazing gift to give your son on his seventeenth birthday. What an amazing mom you must be. Thank you for sharing your heart with the rest of us.

  2. Gabrielle says

    I too have a beautiful 17 year old boy and your story has sent me to tears.
    What an amazing journey you have been on together. It is wonderful to cherish and adore our boys and watch them grow into beautiful men who will spread their wings and be beacons of light in our world. Thank you for sharing this, your words have touched my heart. Gabrielle

  3. Jessica K says

    Thank you, Sarah, for sharing this wonderful moment with us. I read this from the prospective of a daughter of a teen mom. My mom had my brother and I 13 months apart as a teenager and I often tell others, “We all grew up together.” Now as a mother myself, I have unending respect for the sacrifices she made to make sure we had enough. I believe being a mother is the single most important job I will have on this earth. I know your sons will always appriciate the “job” you have done as well!

  4. Audrey says

    My little Cody, also my first born, turned 17 4 days ago. He also towers over me. It’s amazing how fast the time goes, and what a fabulous journey motherhood has been.

  5. Kimberly says

    Coby, happy birthday!!! Sarah, what a tale of courage and love – that made me smile, and tear up a little and think, shoot- that’s perspective.

  6. Brandy B says

    I am sitting here crying like a moron! What a beautiful post! The old adage “Things happen for a reason.” is definitely true here. Happy Coby’s Birthday to both of you!!

  7. PaulaB says

    My (now very much adult) son’s most requested book at story-time was Love You Forever. “I’ll love you forever; I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” Somehow this post brings that to mind. Coby, if you don’t already have this book in your household, you need to buy it for your mom!

  8. Cherie says

    Beautifully written!!! This post brought me to tears and touched the depths of my soul! Thank you very much for being so open and sharing such a personal piece of your heart!!

  9. Karibean says

    What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing! As the mama of a toddler, I can only hope that we have such a special relationship one day.

  10. Lee Jacobson says

    Sarah! A special love to both you and Coby.(and John) Your comments are most beautiful and touch the mother in us all. I appreiate the words your mother spoke to you and I what a wonderful mother you are to all of your boys. I know she is watching over you all. Shaela so loves her Aunt Sarah, as do we all. (Lee, Mom2, or Sheala’s Grandma) . .

  11. says

    This really touched me. I also have an older boy, then was fortunate enough to find an amazing man to share my life with, and have 3 more wonderful children. You have fan in me…you put into words what is in my heart.

  12. says

    Love this: “Even with great loss we often make great change.” It’s so true. I experienced a miscarriage with my 2nd baby almost three months ago and since then have started to make deliberate changes to better my health. Love your blog and happy birthday to your baby! :>

  13. says

    Having just read one of the most amazing love letters ever, I’m sitting here in tears. As a mom, I feel the love you have for your son and your words are beautiful.

    Just beautiful.

  14. Marilyn says

    Your mother was such a wise woman with her words of love at Coby’s birth; she passed that on to you & you are passing that love to your children. What a beautiful lineage.

  15. Camill says

    Tears are running down my face as I read this looking down on my 2,5 week old daughter. She is so small now, and I realize that one day she will be 17 years old as well. Beautiful words, happy birthday to your son. He is lucky to have such a loving mother.

  16. says

    Beautiful. God gave you such strength and love to be the mom he needed. I am a new mom myself of a 9 month old baby girl and she has taught me more in the past 9 months than I’ve learned my whole life!

  17. Amanda says

    This is a great post. My babies are still babies, but it really got the water works going. I try to take Ms. Penny’s advise and just treasure each moment for what it is. I love that you wrote about how everything is connected. When times are really rough it is to easy to forget that just around the corner the is something amazing isa waiting for us.

  18. Due says

    What a beautiful post. As a mother of 3 grown people I can relate to your feelings. My eldest son was married this year and seeing this man with his new wife and my other son as the best man was so bitter sweet. I felt proud and happy and sad and so much more.
    So great to hear how being a mother can transform our lives.

  19. Melanie says

    Thank you for this post, for sharing such a personal piece of your life. My daughter is about to turn 16, and I thank God everyday for putting her in my life, for I was also headed down a bad path before she came along. So when you say Coby saved you, I totally get it…I’m with ya!

  20. riddlewellness says

    Glad I am not the only one with tears welling up in my eyes as I read that post! What a beautiful memory to have of your mother on the day your first child was born! Having lost my dad 2 years ago to cancer, it took some time, but I am constantly trying to find the good that came out of my experience. Thank you for putting this into perspective.

  21. Michelle says

    Most. Favorite. Post. Ever.
    Seriously. I love your site, but this was so beautiful that it made me cry. At my desk. Lovely ;) Happy (late) birthday Coby!
    Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

    P.S. You’re mother is a genius!

  22. Theresa says

    This is such a beautiful post. Your mother was so, so wise. I really get where you’re coming from with this, my oldest changed my life I’m a similar fashion and I will be forever in his debt for that. Your Coby seems such a great young man, you have so much to be proud of.

  23. Sandy Phillips says

    BOYS ROCK!!! My baby boy is 26, and his wife is expecting their first baby. Thank you for reminding me of the beautiful, scary, crazy and joyful events of life with a boy. Everyday Paleo is on my Favorites tool bar, and I peek in here daily. Thank you for sharing your journey – and yummy recipes! – with all of us. :)

  24. Miki says

    So touching. What resonates is thinking about a teenager making up her mind to do the right thing. So young, yet having that mothering instinct that guides you to put this little one’s needs before your own. So happy to hear a beautiful, uplifting story about making good choices in the face of difficult circumstances. Chills.

  25. Renee Sacks-Smith says

    BEAUTIFUL spoken truly from a mothers heart! I love this post! brought tears to my eyes! My mother was only 17 when I was born and we too grew up together.. I am the mom of a 17 ,18 and 23 yr old and I will never forget holding my first born and committing fully to him when I looked in his beautiful brown eyes. My children have been a huge gift and path to growth in my life also, they made me the best woman I can be in this lifetime. Children have a way of doing that for us if we are smart enough to “allow” it!

  26. says

    Thanks for your great story Sarah, Happy birthday to Coby.
    I also have a 17 year old Kobi (great name, yes?)
    Unfortunately my Paleo journey started just a year or two ago and my son is quite set in his eating habits. I wish I could get him to change, but as you well know, it’s easier to control what a small child eats then what a teen eats. You are so lucky you started earlier. Still I try… Best to you and thank you for all you do,
    June Kamerling

  27. Mallory says

    I`m writing this while my little one is tucked peacefully in (my) bed. I`m a young mom who was on a very destructive path before I had my son and since having him he`s shown me how strong I am and what I`m capable of achieving. I feel like him and I are partners on this journey now and we`re figuring everything out together. He`s three now and I`m starting Engineering school in September. Your posts and your book give me so much inspiration, not just for eating Paleo but also as a mom. You`re doing an amazing thing by sharing your stories.
    p.s. my son loves your meatloaf :)

    Happy Birthday to Coby!

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